ramble ramble

It has been quite eventful since my last post. Jeff's 21 y.o. sister, Camille, is in town so we have been trying to act like we are cool, young and hip even though we are old farts. She is so chill and up for anything but we want her to have fun so we are trying to keep busy. She arrived on thursday but I had to drop her off at the house for a few hours while we went to the oncologist. I'll write about that later. She napped, but we felt bad ditching her. That night we decided to go to Old Town. Jeff needed to stop back by the office (he left early for my appt) and we thought it would be cool to hang down there because of 1st Thursday. I think she was scared of all the freaks around old town...they scare us too but since we work down there we know they keep to themselves. We went to a bar called Someday Lounge where the goth/piercing crowd meets the preppies doing happy hour after work. We had a few drinks and some food there then headed to Ground Kontrol (arcade where you can drink), that was pretty fun but I am so old! I was exhausted and ready to go home at like 9pm. Ahh to be 21 again.

Friday morning I had another CT scan to see my whole abdomen. They want to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to lower lymph nodes in my stomach and groin area. That would be bad news so keep your fingers crossed! I had to drink this NASTY stuff (bromium sulfate) that was supposed to taste like berries. It did some crazy stuff to my digestive system but causes contrast in the scan. I hope I never have to touch that stuff again!

When I got back, Camille was ready to shop. We headed downtown and did pioneer place, nordstrom and the rack. That girl can shop! I never shop like that so I felt like such a wimp. She was happy and found some really good deals. I really admire her shopping talent. We headed home and I made us some homemade YUMMY pizza. After a bit we decided that it would be good to take her out. I decided I needed some down time. So her and Jeff left and met up with our buddy Jon. I think they went to about 5 places and then crashed at Jon's, I am so glad they didn't drive! Another sign of maturity.

Today, I'm getting my hair wacked off. I'm going shorter than ever before...i'm super scared. Camille is coming along...well if i can get her up. Then maybe we'll get a facial or shop more. Its fun doing girly things. I think tonight will be more relaxed and we might just watch a movie.

As for my oncologist appointment. It was pretty straight forward. I had MORE blood drawn, then we went over my history and had a little exam. He then brought us into his office to show me the scans that I had a couple of weeks ago. It was so freaky to see your body like that! It cuts thru you like slicing bread. He basically scrolled up and down with the mouse and it moved the scan thru my body from the neck through the chest. We could see my heart and lungs (I didnt know the lungs were so huge), spine, windpipe, arteries...it was crazy. Then he showed me my growth. The one in my chest is HUGE. I had no idea. A bunch of nodes have grown together and formed a possy. At the time of the scan it was 9cm wide. I think its bigger now because I'm having new pressure on my esophagus and feel like I have a huge pill stuck in my throat. So with it being that wide, its more than 1/3 the diameter of my chest cavity (which is measured from one side of rib cage to the other). That means that on top of this being classic hodgkins, its what they call "bulky". He said that means they will have to do radiation when I am done with my chemo treatment to shrink it down. The mass is like a cresent moon around the top of my heart. It's not affecting my heart or lungs yet, which is good.

As for the chemo part of my treatment, I am looking at 6 months at a frequency of every other week starting next week. It will be administered thru an IV. I will get a catheter port placed in my chest next week which will be hooked into a main artery. This stays in place for the 6 mo. This way they just hook up the IV to this every time and dont have to always place a catheter in my arm. Also having it in a strong artery is good because the drugs would eventually damage the veins in my arm. On Monday I have an echo cardiogram scheduled to see what kind of shape my heart is in. There are 4 drugs in my chemo cocktail plus nausea meds and one of the drugs is bad for the heart so they want to make sure its in good shape. So scary. There are a lot of side affects of chemo to consider but it comes down to the fact they are being aggressive so it doesn't come back. I just worry about where it will leave me when everything is said and done. I know my hair will grow back but how else will it physically change me? And will it make me a sickling the rest of my life because my bone marrow and immune system might not bounce back to what it once was. I wont get all sappy on here but I am pretty freaked out right now. Jeff is too, he is about to crack under all this stress. We both are. I hope in the end everything will be ok with us, with life and our sanity.

Sorry to share all the details but it feels good to get it out and write about it. Plus I am all about being open and sharing this. Right now, I am going to enjoy the rest of my weekend because it might be the last one I get for awhile. I will post pics of my new hair soon! Please keep in touch.